A few years ago, I went through some things. My Dad was sick. He had lung cancer and it wasn't going to get better. I needed to have my hip replaced so it would get better. I was in a job that I'd been good at for 12 years, but in which I felt underpaid, underappreciated, and underchallenged.
And so I cut my hair. I got my hair cut at a real hair cutter place, not "Le Bathroom Sink," where I usually go. It was very short and only required a wash and a fluff to have me out the door. I didn't really have time for more.
Then, after the hip replacement and more lack of appreciation from my boss, my Dad died. I didn't even know how much it affected me. I remember thinking, I'm an orphan. I don't owe anyone on this earth my life. I don't have to do this ... well, let's remain more professional than I did back then. After a few months, I blew up some bridges, cussed out my boss, and walked away. I don't necessarily recommend that. If you're like me and don't do endings well, though, it might be the only way.
For three years, I floated in the time between times. I don't do endings well. I don't do beginnings well. I'm great at thresholds. And so when I did not know what I wanted to do, I tried things on. I did not cut my hair. It grew longer and stronger than it had in years.
I attended a workshop with Sally Hare of still learning, a Courage to Teach mentor and friend of my parents. The workshop was about thresholds and times in between times. The rest time in the shade of the mobius strip. Sally said that sometimes we know it's time to move on just by small changes. For instance, she said, we might decide to cut our hair.
And, I kid you not, I had just the week before decided to cut my hair. The time in between times was done. It was time to move on. To start a new season.
I spend a lot of time in doorways, deciding whether I'm welcome or not, or whether I want to go in there, or if it's time for a new season even though my old season is messy and chaotic and needs to be straightened up before I go. It's hard to move on.
Here I am again, peeking through the door. And I'm going to cut my hair.