Begin Again... and again... and again

As I come up to my 65th birthday, I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably be living another 10 or 20 years. I think back to 10 years ago, and realize how much has happened in my life. Looking back 20 years, I am a different person. And so, I cannot spend the rest of my life reading pop-corn books and playing Farmville 3, no matter how riveting that seems. I still have things to do, places to be, people to be... or see, whatever.

And so I am taking this Soul Haven stuff seriously. One thing that is different about me now is that I care less about being liked (although I like being likable) and looking stupid (although I prefer to look smart) and being perfect (although ... I got nothing.) Finished is preferable to perfect, and in order to finish, I need to begin.

I am not everyone's cup of tea. In fact, I'm not a cup of tea. I am a cup of coffee. Black, hot, strong, a little bitter. I cool down quickly, though I'm still strong (and a little bitter.) I'll be back hot and fresh. Not everyone wants me.

Some prefer a little more sugar, even artificial sweetener. That would make me go down better. Some milk, maybe some heavy cream would make me more bearable, they say. Maybe I should just go with the chocolate and present a nice creamy mocha to the world. And ice. I'm hard to take when I'm so hot with emotion and that bitterness we mentioned.

I am a kind person. I am not a nice person. Nice is a trap to keep oppressed people from speaking the truth. Nice makes us hide our discomfort and our dreams under the rug so that they don't make other people uncomfortable. I am kind, with borders as well as a very long table to welcome people in. People who can sit with dark, hot, often bitter coffee and find comfort and peace.

I am starting again, as me, in what works for me and I believe will work for others. Not everyone. Some people. Enough.

Welcome.